ABOUT OUR EXPERT
Ms Kanniga is the Assistant Director (Development and Care) and Special Needs Mentor at Presbyterian Preschool Services (PPS). She is also an ECDA Fellow and has worked in the early childhood sector for over 30 years in various capacities at PPS.
Tantrums happen for various reasons: The child may be seeking attention, feeling overwhelmed or fatigued, frustrated over a certain activity, or expressing hurt. Younger children, especially, may lack the vocabulary to communicate their feelings and needs.
Instead of reacting to a screaming and stomping child, or when they throw themselves to the ground, pause awhile to understand what is happening. It is vital to keep your cool and not lash out. Children learn by observing how you manage your own emotions — seeing is learning!
When a child has a tantrum, it is important that parents stay calm and model self-regulation for them.
To deal with temper tantrums:
- Know your child’s limits. Do not schedule challenging activities during situations that may trigger an outburst, such as when they are hungry or tired.
- Remain calm. Avoid losing your temper and exhibiting a tantrum yourself. Otherwise, your child will learn that screaming or shouting is acceptable and can help them get what they want.
- Use ‘feeling’ words. Acknowledge and validate your child’s emotions by saying “I see you feel angry right now” instead of “Don’t cry”. Teach them to verbalise how they feel, as this is an effective calm-down technique.
- Reinforce positive behaviour. When the tantrum is over, say things like “I like the way you decided to play with your toy cars again”.
Over time, tantrums typically become less frequent and intense. Children gradually develop emotional self-regulation as they learn more socially appropriate behaviours and the language to process their emotions. However, adults play a crucial role in this developmental process.
